Guide on How to Start Sexting For Positive Results

12:36 AM: U up?

12:38 AM: I am now. What’s up?

12:39 AM: I think U know what’s up ;)

12:40 AM: Are we speaking figuratively or literally?

12:41 AM: Yes. 

12:42 AM: Can I see?

And just like that, you’ve slid past the DMs and into their fantasies. With everything that’s going on in the world, one of the more interesting changes that we’ve seen is how the sexual collective engages when being face-to-face isn’t an option. Originally solely thought to be the bane of harrowed parents with horny teens, sexting has crept its way through our cultural lexicon, through our phones, and straight into our hoo-hahs… and no one is complaining. But also, no one is praised for nondescript noodling and the sentiment carries over into sex in all forms. That’s why we’re going to talk you through how to go from sending flirty texts to sending the best sexting ever, and we’re going to start with the basics.

How to start sexting, 101

Here’s the thing. You could type out “Hi. Can I sext you?” which directly asks for consent, but doesn’t have enough of the magic that makes it the “best sexting ever”. Just like any other form of flirting, a little verbal cat and mouse goes a long way. For one thing, know who you’re sexting and what they’re doing. Some rando you met on SwipeRight.app might be in the middle doing something that is not sexting friendly. However, that cutie from the bar a couple of months ago that you keep in touch with might be a better choice. If you know she has lunch with her grandma every Sunday, maybe that’s not the right time. We don’t kink shame, but she just might not be into reading how you want to make her pussy drip while her grandmother describes the last mammogram she endured. All that to say, timing is everything and that’s hard to gauge when you don’t know who you’re dealing with.

The suggestive lead that pretty much defines the best sexting ever acts as the perfect cover to ask for consent. As your talk goes from flirty to dirty, you can ask for permission as you go.

“Want to see?”

“I’m gonna keep it to myself… unless you want to know. ;) ”

“What’s the magic word?”

Once you have consent, only then can you formally commence having the best sexting ever.

Foreplay for the screen

There are those that think that sending over a dick pic is sexting. That is in fact NOT the best sexting ever. It’s just a dick sending a dick. Just like no one wants a dick presented with zero foreplay IRL, the same works for texting. Tell them how you imagine buttering their biscuit or how you want to tie them up and squirt mustard on them. Whatever gets their engine revving is what you want to talk about wayyyyy before you email your meat. Not sure how to go about it? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Remind them of that thing you like: I love the way you _____ my ______ last night.
2. Tell them what you’re doing: I took my panties off after yoga. Going commando ATM.
3. Give them a peek into their future: I’m wearing my freakum dress to dinner tonight. ;)

As a beginner, these are pretty simple prompts to get things going. Over time you will learn that you can turn anything into a prelude for the best sexting ever. No, seriously. Anything. Food? Suggestive. Sports? Suggestive. Engineering? - if you can’t figure out how to work speed, torque, and horsepower into sex talk then maybe sexting isn’t your thing to begin with. 

Setting Boundaries

You know what doesn’t work? Randomly asking anyone to do a thing you haven’t talked about or showing someone something they didn’t ask for.

It should be said that different folks sext in different ways. Men tend to be initiators, and while women are more suggestive and demure, men are likely to be more explicit. For example, a woman may show a shoulder or cleavage or provocatively mimic a sex act. Men tend to send dick pics or videos. With consent, all of this is fine, and it’s not difficult to be the G.O.A.T of sending dick pics. 

Another thing to consider is that sexting is GREAT for playing out a fantasy, and it’s possible your partner wants to keep it as just that. What they chatted with you about may not equate to what they want IRL. Setting boundaries is a great way to address that, and some ways to set those boundaries include:

1. Decide on an app. Do you want messages that will disappear after they’ve been read? An encrypted app?
2. Decide what kind of messages you want. Texts only? Pics? Video? Audio?
3. Decide what happens to the texts after. To delete or not delete? Is it okay to share the words or pics with a third party?

Some Basic Sexting Techniques to Try

Here are some basic sexting techniques to try if you are unsure of how to begin sexting with your partner. 

While you might think of these games as fodder for junior high parties and road trips, they can actually prompt fun and flirty stories, says Fine.

Use language like, I want you to imagine the next time we're together when we're doing “this”’ at your place. This can lead to both you and your partner being excited to meet up in person and take things further. 

No matter how novice or advanced you are with sexting, it can be a fantastic opportunity to experiment. Virtually teasing your partner, reminds them of what they can't have because you're physically apart. You can then tell your partner what you're doing to yourself or show a little skin leading them to want more. 

In order to have the best sexting ever, you need to set the scene. That may mean creating an entire fantasy world, or it could just be imagining you were together in a romantic setting of your choosing. Some people like to do storytelling

“I see you lying there asleep and walk over to you and kiss your…”

While others prefer to just stay in the present:

“Imagine I put my hand around your…”

Say the things

Don’t be afraid to let loose with your dirty talk. You could use clinical terms, but somehow, sliding your lubed fingers into a very wet pussy just seems to have a better effect than inserting phalanges into a significantly aroused vagina.

Do the things

When you’re sexting, you may just be going through the motions of conversation but don’t be afraid to bring those words to life. Touch yourself in the places and in the ways you are sexting about. The mechanics of holding a phone, sending well-thought-out messages while finagling your bagel can be daunting, but that’s actually part of the fun. Tease yourself and you might surprise yourself. 

Dirty can turn into the best sexting ever, whether you have physical access to your boo or not. You can sext in public or in private. You can be all talk or ready for an IRL showdown when next you meet. You can just text, or you can message and moan. One change that the world has adapted to is the rapidly evolving forms of communication. If this is one more way to get off, then why not just hit send?