How to Take the Perfect Dick Pic: 5 Easy Steps

The Louvre, the Guggenheim, The Sistine Chapel, your camera roll... masterpiece nudes can be found in many galleries around the world. One of the most specific and intricate skills harnessed by the masters and still critiqued heavily to this day is taking a dick pic. From Michelangelo's David to "young_n_hung69🍆💦" on Grindr, a penis can stay ingrained in the mind forever, and making sure yours is exhibited in the best light, background, and state will ensure a positive perception of your pecker for potential pick-ups. This guide will ensure your dick is documented so well that David Attenborough would want to narrate it. 

Step 1: The Ask

The first and most important question you should ask in taking a dick pic is, "Does the intended recipient of this lavish loin likeness WANT to see it?" Seeking consent for any sexual act whether it be in person or digitally is paramount for making sure no one's boundaries are being violated and that the recipient is willing and (ideally) appreciative of this gesture. Encroaching someone's personal comfort zones is a surefire way to kill any chance of communication with them and could even lead your penis falling into the wrong hands (the photo, that is). Keep their feelings in focus and ensure your schlong is secure before venturing into the next step

Step 2: The Tease

In the words of film master, Alfred Hitchcock, "Always make the audience suffer as much as possible." No truer is the case with setting up for taking a dick pic. One of the most integral parts of taking a dick pic is not actually taking a dick pic at all. The art of the tease can be just as, if not, more exciting than the actual delivery. Before sending your mast at full deployment, send some teasing images to really get the gears of your recipient grinding. 

Taking a dick pic with only the outline visible through your underwear, or tenting up your sheets can be a fantastic intro to the climactic masterpiece. For some added kink, be sure to feature some pre-cum soaking through those shorts. This will let your recipient know you're just as excited as they are, and keep them in anticipation for what is sure to cum...

Step 3: Establishing the Mood

What separates a masterpiece from any other production of art is perspective. Catching the subject in the proper perspective can change the perception of an anthill into Mt. Olympus. This factor is true as well when taking a dick pic perfectly. No matter how well equipped your launchpad is, that rocket can easily turn into a paper airplane with the wrong angle and lighting.

Begin taking a dick pic with the concept of foreshortening and comparisons in mind. If you are already well equipped, include an object for easy reference to show them exactly what kind of hardware they'll be dealing with. To show size, anything from a soda can to your own hand is a great reference point to demonstrate your goods. 

If you are looking to take a dick pic from a more artistic angle, attempt foreshortening. You can achieve this by taking a dick pic with your penis pointed directly at the camera. This will make your head appear bulbous, allowing your shaft to taper off into the distance that is your testicles and create the illusion of a massive pole regardless of how lengthy it might be.

Step 4: Get Lost In Your Light

No one likes an ill-lit photograph. Unless you're auditioning your dick to be in "Nightmare on Erm... Street" turn the dang lights on in your room. Creating a warm ambiance with yellow or orange bulbs will help add some life to your Longfellow and give it a sense of vitality. A blue bulb could spell "blue balls" with the wrong lighting, as cooler tones are often associated with either calming emotions or a lack of energy. No one wants a pic of a zombie dick.

If you want to get particularly artistic with shadows, use the cast of your mast to emphasize the length and stamina of your stiffy. The Shadow of Colossus can create an intriguing effect that adds a sense of regality and superiority to your mound masterpiece. Or, if you are partial to precum, be sure to catch a glimmer of the goo stuff in the shot. The gleam of the cream can literally make your dick look sparkling in sexuality and signal to your recipient that you're ready for more than just a pic exchange. You can accentuate the precum by making it sticky; tap on the head of your penis to get a nice long strand of semen gooping out like cheese on a stuffed crust pizza commercial and giving them... what they crave.

Step 5: Curate the Climax

All fantastic works of art need to give the viewer a climax to end the journey. It is in this part that the feast de resistance is up to the artist. If your intention is to super-seed (pun intended) the frame of taking a dick pic, then it is best to leave your recipient with something to look forward to and tease for a meeting. However, if your bag is more of a voyeuristic adventure, then you can choose to showcase the semen tsunami as the end. Whether it be glistening off your own body to showcase more of your stature, or if you wanna keep it coy, sling your sperm on a solid colored fabric like a shirt, towel, or bedsheet. This makes the end result pop like a painting and keeps your clean-up easy to boot!

Overall, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and not everyone will be turned on by the same type of dick pic. If you sense a specific angle type isn’t getting the reactions you like, try switching up your angles and lighting until you get the return of enthusiasm you’re looking for. It isn’t rocket science, just shooting your rocket.

Additional Steps For A Perfect Dick Pic

If you’re looking for additional ways to take the perfect dick pic, here are some other recommendations that will help you take an even better dick pic. 

Don’t include your face.

This is important because you don’t want your face associated with the dick pic itself. Especially in today’s world, you wouldn’t want your picture to be leaked online. They might even show their friends!

Don’t just show your dick.

A good dick pic comes with a beautiful background. Whether it be abs, abs with chest, or a nice butt shot, you wanna show what you’re working with. This can also give insight into how big your dick is compared to other body parts. This shows them real expectations rather than pretending it’s a lot larger than it is. If you decide to hold your penis, ensure your hands are clean or your nails don’t have dirt in them. Having dirty hands can also mean a dirty dick. Don’t turn off your partner before you’ve even started! 

Think about lighting.

Choose a place or room where it’s well-lit to show off your penis. Nothing will look unflattering than that awful bright room light that doesn’t do you any justice. Try not to make it look like you used the flash on your phone and called it good. Put a little more effort into it if you want more positive results. Show what you got and be proud of your photo. 

Bathroom photos are a no-go.

Let’s face it, seeing a toilet, a dirty sink, and the bathroom floor isn’t romantic. Try to take it somewhere else like the bedroom. 

Clean your bedroom.

Yes, you know the place you want to get crazy, clean your bedroom. Along with the glorious dick pic, you want the other person to want to have sex in that bed with you. It can be a major turn-off to see the room messy with dishes or a bed that hasn’t been cleaned. 

Mow the lawn and clean the hedges

There’s a reason why manscaping is popular, it’s because bushes are not in. Clean the hedges to make your dick look clean and well pampered. It’ll show that you care about the cleanliness of yourself and your penis.