Beginners Guide to Lesbian Bondage and BDSM

Lesbian Bondage and BDSM

The only thing hotter than seeing your girlfriend splayed out in ecstasy pre-\ or post nut is perhaps seeing her in the exact opposite position: tied up, ball gagged, and with a beautiful handprint strategically placed. For WLW (women loving women), BDSM can be what makes her cat meow… but only after you give permission.

BDSM is an umbrella term that covers all communities, activities, relationships, and subcultures within the framework of BDSM. The letters BDSM refer to Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sadism/Masochism. We see BDSM play out in small ways throughout various media, but what we rarely see is lesbian bondage. Even though lesbian is a top keyword search on any porn site on any day, and words related to BDSM are also high ranking when looked at collectively, lesbian bondage is a little more difficult to come by. That is especially true if you are looking for information about it on non-porn sites.

What makes lesbian bondage so special?

Lesbian bondage is unique in that, it upends traditional roles. Just because someone is masculine-presenting doesn’t mean they are dominant in the bedroom. In lesbian bondage, just because you are dominant in the relationship doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate letting someone else make the decisions. It’s just as true as the likelihood that your general dominance won’t automatically be accepted during a kink sesh. To be honest, it’s more likely that this kink space could allow WLW to give up the roles that reinforce the need to be needed, or the insecurity of feeling clingy. It’s the perfect scenario to step outside of the parts of ourselves that we don’t talk about while understanding that we need to find a way to heal them.

Planning Ahead

Have a conversation about some safety cues with your partner. This would mean adding safe words to help your partner understand what you feel about what’s going on. It can be something very simple that is color-coded like red for stop, yellow for slow down, and green for continue gagging me. 

Make sure the toys you use are clean and in good condition. Also, be sure to know where the keys go in case of an emergency to get out of the handcuffs. If you are in a dungeon and your partner isn’t cooperating and you do not feel safe, you can always report to the dungeon master about what’s going on. 

If it’s your first time, maybe the thrusting sex machine isn’t for you. Instead, maybe try something easier like a breathable ball gag. 

Now, the fun stuff!

So how should one approach lesbian bondage? With a conversation, of course. In a neutral space and mood, let your partner know you would be up for some raunch. Chances are, you’ve already smacked a little ass here and there. Lesbian bondage is taking it a step further, and with intention. Talk to your partner about what they would be up for, and what they are strongly against. Discuss safe words, expectations, and aftercare. Think about what items you would need: toys, lube, towels, rope, tape, blindfolds, etc.

Once you have agreed on a time, place, and approach, allow yourself to really get into it. Getting into a mental space for lesbian bondage requires intentionality and may take some time. Go slowly, checking for consent, and leave space for processing between acts. Use your intuition and communicate a LOT.

Perhaps you don’t want to go straight into hanging upside down in a gimp mask with fish hooks in your back quite yet, but you can start with some spanking, either with your hand, a paddle, or a flogger. You can enhance this play with a blindfold, cuffs, or nipple clamps.

If you’re ready to take Lesbian bondage a step further, try playing with ropes. You may just like the aesthetic, but rope tying is fairly easy to learn and a great way to build up intimacy. If you really want to make it kinky, try using a bedspreader or over the door swing to try several positions. 

The Afterparty

When starting out, agreeing to a set length of time helps manage everyone’s expectations. After your session, engage in some serious aftercare. This part of the process allows you to transition out of the bondage mental state, and provide some solid feedback in an intentional safe space. For some, aftercare could be lots of talking and snacks, but for others, it could be quiet cuddling. Over time, you and your partner will define the right formula for your relationship, but in the meantime, have fun twisting titties.