January Fetish of the Month - Candle Wax
Get That Drip
If the only thing dripping is your partner – and let’s not get it twisted because that’s a good thing – you might want to step your sex game up. Add a little heat to your inner freak and check out candle wax play. And yes, it’s a step into the world of BDSM kink.
Wax play is simply using heated wax on your partner’s skin for sexual enjoyment. This can be arousing due to the pain element or the visuals created by the wax hitting the skin. Wax play is applied by dripping, NEVER pouring, and these splashes create beautiful patterns on the skin. Variations of dripping include letting it roll down the body – being careful to never let it pool in the body’s natural crevices. You can also rub it in or brush it on, both causing different sensations and visual patterns.
The Facts Before You Wax
There are some pretty standard guidelines to doing wax play, and most of them align with any other BDSM rules. First, talk it over with your partner. This isn’t the kind of thing you surprise someone with. Make sure you have consent and talk about your, “Hell Yes’s” and your strong, “NOPES”. Establish some safe words, preferably using the stoplight method, and make sure to commit to SSSC play – play that Safe, Sane, Sober, and Consensual. Yes, that means NO alcohol.
Beyond that, wax play has its own set of rules and it’s pretty easy to deduce that just because whips and chains excite someone doesn’t mean they are automatically up for wax play. After all, fire is THE element here, and a burning sensation is not only vastly physically different from impact play, it’s also an anthropological and psychological playground from Freud and Jung’s perspective.
With that said, make sure you use the correct candles. There are a few different basic kinds of candles: soy, paraffin, and beeswax. For wax play, you only want to work with the first two. They burn at a cool 135°F, with the difference being that soy is a softer wax and therefore cools much faster than paraffin. Soy is for beginners, paraffin is for more intermediate players. Beeswax burns much too hot and WILL burn your partner. Once you have your candle’s materials picked out, you still need to be mindful of what’s in the candle. Scented, colored, and metallic candles all have additives that can make the candle burn MUCH hotter than skin should come into contact with. Lastly, you want to work with cup or pillar candles. The taper ones tend to have added chemicals to make them harder. There are candles made specifically for wax play that don’t have any of these things in there. Additionally, they have other features like turning into massage oil, having CBD for relaxation, or being edible.
Set The Scene
To get started, use an old sheet (or even better – a latex sheet) to protect your bed. You’ll also want to protect your floor since wax does not remove easily from carpet. Make sure to have some water and a damp cloth around, since you are literally playing fire. Consider what products you may have on your skin or hair that may be flammable. When in doubt, wash it out. Start with testing the wax on your own skin, aiming for your inner wrist. If it’s too hot for you, then it’s too hot for your partner. With the understanding that different folks have different thresholds, you should never assume what your partner can take. COMMUNICATE.
Pour It Up
Starting at about 18in above your partner’s skin drip the wax onto their body. Remembering to never pour, you can play with variations in heat by holding the wax closer once you have established consent to the changes. Keep the wax away from the face, especially the eyes. You also need to keep away from any open wounds, natural openings (hello, mouth, anus, vagina, penis, nose, ears), and any naturally sensitive areas like the armpit, groin, or back of the knees.
If you like the way things are going and you want to increase the sensory play, add blindfolds, restraints, or impact play. You can mix sensations with kissing, nibbles, feather play, or tickling.
Temptation In Sensation
When you’re done with your wax play session, use an ice cube to cool and harden the wax. From there you can remove the wax with a cooled butter knife or a credit card. For aftercare, apply some cream to your partner’s skin, preferably something with aloe or sunburn cooling care. Temperature play can be pretty intense to the receiver, so check on their physical and emotional needs. Are they thirsty or hungry? Do they need to talk or be quiet? Would they like cuddles or privacy? Always remember that any sexual encounter requires checking in and mindful, meaningful aftercare.